Let me explain why I like instruction manuals. Yes, I am the one that reads EVERY SINGLE WORD. I look at the pictures, I lay out all the pieces, and before I start putting everything together, I ALWAYS look at the final product. I need to see the end product, what my efforts will produce, and it gives me an exact visual of what I'm working towards. Life doesn't work that way. Therefore, some days I wish for an instruction manual. I need to know why two pieces don't fit together correctly, why I'm missing a crucial piece, where to spend more of my time, if I'm using the right tool, if I have the right pieces, how to take something apart and put it together correctly the next time, etc. I also like that there's a number to call if I have any questions.
So, where am I going with all this? Yes, I know God didn't leave us alone. He gave us the plan of salvation. We are born into families. We meet people our entire lives that teach us and help us grow. He provided us scripture and ongoing revelation. We can call upon God anytime.
Here's what I believe. We don't have an instruction manual because God lovingly gave us free agency. He gave us His word and tools to help us be successful, but he also allows us to choose the result. Here's what I also believe. There is not just one result. With each trial, with each experience, with every person I meet... there may be a different result. Also, if I don't like the end result, I have the opportunity for a do-over. God didn't put me here on the earth to take one path. He put me here to receive a body, to learn and grow, to experience life, to make mistakes and learn from them, to reach my potential.
Many years ago a member of our bishopric, after getting to know me, said, "Anjeanette, when I first met you... I did't like you very much." I was shocked! I felt we had a great relationship and his words hurt a bit. Upon questioning him, he said, "I just thought your life was too perfect." I laughed because that was so far from the truth! I asked him to tell me more. After our lengthy conversation, I understood. I rarely let people see the real me. I asked him when his perception of me changed. Guess what? It was when he saw me go through a difficult trial, how I handled it and the person he saw me become. He got to see the before, during and after Anjeanette. He saw the end result of that particular trial and appreciated the growth he saw in me. Amazing!
I've thought about how I've introduced myself at the beginning of a church talk in a new ward. You know... focus on the positives, accomplishments, blah-blah-blah. If I had to do it over again, here's a portion of what I'd say... "I've loved and been loved. I've been hurt and hurt others. I know what it's like to choose the right and to choose the wrong. I have suffered physically, spiritually and emotionally and I've accomplished more physically, spiritually and emotionally than I ever thought possible. I know what it feels like to fail and what it feels like to overcome. I am grateful for free agency, for the power of choice. I have felt it's consequences, for good and bad. I have given service and been the recipient of many acts of service. I am a daughter of God. He loves me and knows I am perfectly imperfect. I was created for my unique journey on this earth. I have a Savior. He suffered for my sins and will be an advocate with the Father in my behalf. I am learning how to see me as God sees me, how to become who God already knows I am and how to love every step of the journey."
Mom and Dad... thank you for raising me. You didn't need an instruction manual. You gave me what I needed when I needed it... even if I didn't realize it. You have seen many "results" from the first time you held me until now. I'm sure you were more proud of certain results than others... but you loved me regardless. You have always taught me to be me, but to never stop learning and pushing myself. You taught me to think for myself. You taught me that being female was never an excuse, it was an honor. You made me believe I could accomplish anything. For all you are and all you've done for me, thank you. My cup runneth over.
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