I Know Thee By Name

Have you ever questioned what we’re told in Exodus? Have you ever felt so alone that you begged God to let you know that He knows you exist? That He knows your name, your needs, your heart? I have and He answered my prayer through a stranger… a stranger that was in tune with the spirit. This sacred experience filled my soul with joy and I never want to forget what I felt at that very moment. For these reasons, and to share my testimony that God knows each one of us, I lay my pearls before you.

I stepped out of my car and crossed the pavement to the temple sidewalk. I took in the external beauty of the temple, the people coming and going, and the color beginning to spring forth from the brown earth. My gaze became fixed on a white vehicle as it pulled up to the curb directly in front of me. A man stepped out and said, “Mam, can I ask you a favor? Do you have a family name you’re taking into the temple today?” I replied that I did not. He then proceeded, “I was leaving the temple grounds and saw you. I was prompted to stop and ask you to perform her work.” I accepted and thanked the stranger for listening to the spirit and that I’d be honored to go through the temple that day for his family member. I informed him that his request was not a coincidence, but an answer to prayer. He took me by the arm and with tears in his eyes said, “I know. I couldn’t leave the temple parking lot without letting you know that He knows you.” He then proceeded to share with me his testimony of temple work and how we must all strive to live up to our covenants. He returned to his vehicle and I entered the temple doors with a heart full of gratitude and peace.

Thank you, stranger, for listening and acting upon a prompting. If you only knew…

Allomothering

While reading a Jodi Picoult book, I learned of allomothering. It is a widespread phenomenon among mammals and birds and is performed by any group member other than the genetic mother or father. Allomothering comprises a wide variety of behaviors for the sole purpose of caring for and protecting an infant.

Are we not all infants?

The story was about elephants allomothering, yet my mind went directly to all those in my life that have been allomothers to my children and to all those that have allomothered me. I've always heard the saying, "It takes a village..." which I believe, but I never had a word for the people of the "village" that have and continue to help me raise my daughters.

Have you ever sank to your knees and humbly asked that someone besides yourself could reach the heart of your child? To teach them through word, example or a random act of kindness? Have you had your prayers answered? I have... many times.

Recently, I did just that... sank to my knees. I couldn't seem to reach my child. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father. The next morning I received a text from a friend letting me know that thoughts of my daughter kept her awake at night and during her morning prayers she was prompted to reach out to her. Best part? She followed through on the prompting and touched my daughter's heart. Prayer answered.

A couple days later we came home to find a sealed envelope in our door. Our Bishop wrote her a letter and included a talk he thought she might like. I never read the letter, that's not my business. She read it, however, and then read out loud the talk to our family. It was perfect... just what she needed. Prayer answered.

I never asked the lady or the Bishop for help, but I did ask my Heavenly Father. Tonight I am grateful for those that live close to the spirit and that they act upon promptings. I am deeply grateful to those that have and continue to allomother/alloparent my children, all because of love. My cup runneth over.

Tree of Life

In Draper, Utah there is a large tree lit in white that sparkles on a cold winter's night. Old and young circle the tree, some singing carols while others talk among family and friends. The beauty of the tree captures the attention of all that surround it.

As our family stood beneath the tree, eyes upward, Brett asked our girls what they saw in the tree, beyond the lights and sparkles. They replied with large and small branches, branches growing from other branches, branches that were straight and others bent, branches that were intertwined with others, etc. I stood silently listening and thinking as our girls described what they saw.

Brett then took the girls descriptions and turned them to life's lessons. He said that each of us are like those branches. We come in different shapes and sizes, we grow in different ways and we take different paths. He emphasized that sometimes we stay on the straight and narrow and sometimes we make mistakes that take us down other paths. He also stated that throughout life we have different experiences and meet different people which intertwines our lives with theirs and helps form who we are. He also reminded us that if we step back and look at the tree as a whole, it's because of all of those branches, experiences and people that make the tree full and beautiful.

I stood there enjoying family time, processing the branches in my life and breathing in the winter's night air, when Brett reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small box. Our girls immediately retreated about twenty feet and the confused look on my faced matched my thoughts. As our girls started taking pictures and Brett got down on one knee, my heart and mind raced. What was he doing?! Then I listened carefully as he spoke and what he said will stay in my heart. Now a new diamond ring rests on my right hand while my original wedding ring stays on my left hand -- never replacing the other, just representing a new chapter in our lives. Just as the tree, our love continues to grow -- but only if we nourish it.

Inevitable Light

At a recent Time Out for Women Event sponsored by Deseret Book, the music and spoken word all centered around the theme "Inevitable Light."

Inevitable: Certain to happen; unavoidable.
Light: The natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible and understanding of a problem or mystery; enlightenment.

I expected to be enlightened by many of the guest speakers, but I didn't expect certain lessons to fan a flame inside my soul and linger with me as if I were still sitting by the warmth of a well-stoked fire.

Kris Belcher, one of my favorite motivational speakers, said something that continues to linger with me. She said, "We need to accept the manna plan." What?! I have thought about that so much. I can't say what that means for another, yet for me it means that I need to accept that my Heavenly Father wants to take care of and provide for me. He wants to shower blessings upon me... just for being me. Why? Because I am His and He loves me.
I continued to listed to Kris speak as she told the story of the Children of Israel. They were constantly blessed with manna, but became ungrateful and complained. Lesson to be learned? Don't be ungrateful or complain or the fiery serpents will enter our lives, just as they did for the Children of Israel. God, however, provided them a way to be healed from the serpent's poison. Moses was told to build a brass serpent and place it where all could look upon it. What happened? Some looked, others didn't and died. Why didn't they just look??? I have asked myself similar questions. When I knew what would heal me physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, why didn't I just look?
My bathroom mirror now reads the words Kris used to summarize lessons learned from this story.

LOOK UP! LOOK IN! LOOK OUT!

Bre and Brook, you have inevitable light. You have a natural light, the light of Christ, that emulates from you to all around you. It is unavoidable! I have seen lives blessed by being in your presence and by the service you've rendered in action and words. You are both old souls and will continue to make your mark in the world by letting your light shine!

Instruction Manual

I wasn't born with an instruction manual... not for my parents or for me. At the young age of 18 and 19, my parents welcomed me into the world. I was even at my mom's high school graduation! As the first child, I know I captured their hearts and turned their world upside down. I'm sure hopes and dreams filled their minds, as did worry and fear. I bet at times my parents wished for an instruction manual when raising me... just to know the end result.

Let me explain why I like instruction manuals. Yes, I am the one that reads EVERY SINGLE WORD. I look at the pictures, I lay out all the pieces, and before I start putting everything together, I ALWAYS look at the final product. I need to see the end product, what my efforts will produce, and it gives me an exact visual of what I'm working towards. Life doesn't work that way. Therefore, some days I wish for an instruction manual. I need to know why two pieces don't fit together correctly, why I'm missing a crucial piece, where to spend more of my time, if I'm using the right tool, if I have the right pieces, how to take something apart and put it together correctly the next time, etc. I also like that there's a number to call if I have any questions.

So, where am I going with all this? Yes, I know God didn't leave us alone. He gave us the plan of salvation. We are born into families. We meet people our entire lives that teach us and help us grow. He provided us scripture and ongoing revelation. We can call upon God anytime.

Here's what I believe. We don't have an instruction manual because God lovingly gave us free agency. He gave us His word and tools to help us be successful, but he also allows us to choose the result. Here's what I also believe. There is not just one result. With each trial, with each experience, with every person I meet... there may be a different result. Also, if I don't like the end result, I have the opportunity for a do-over. God didn't put me here on the earth to take one path. He put me here to receive a body, to learn and grow, to experience life, to make mistakes and learn from them, to reach my potential.

Many years ago a member of our bishopric, after getting to know me, said, "Anjeanette, when I first met you... I did't like you very much." I was shocked! I felt we had a great relationship and his words hurt a bit. Upon questioning him, he said, "I just thought your life was too perfect." I laughed because that was so far from the truth! I asked him to tell me more. After our lengthy conversation, I understood. I rarely let people see the real me. I asked him when his perception of me changed. Guess what? It was when he saw me go through a difficult trial, how I handled it and the person he saw me become. He got to see the before, during and after Anjeanette. He saw the end result of that particular trial and appreciated the growth he saw in me. Amazing!

I've thought about how I've introduced myself at the beginning of a church talk in a new ward. You know... focus on the positives, accomplishments, blah-blah-blah. If I had to do it over again, here's a portion of what I'd say... "I've loved and been loved. I've been hurt and hurt others. I know what it's like to choose the right and to choose the wrong. I have suffered physically, spiritually and emotionally and I've accomplished more physically, spiritually and emotionally than I ever thought possible. I know what it feels like to fail and what it feels like to overcome. I am grateful for free agency, for the power of choice. I have felt it's consequences, for good and bad. I have given service and been the recipient of many acts of service. I am a daughter of God. He loves me and knows I am perfectly imperfect. I was created for my unique journey on this earth. I have a Savior. He suffered for my sins and will be an advocate with the Father in my behalf. I am learning how to see me as God sees me, how to become who God already knows I am and how to love every step of the journey." 

Mom and Dad... thank you for raising me. You didn't need an instruction manual. You gave me what I needed when I needed it... even if I didn't realize it. You have seen many "results" from the first time you held me until now. I'm sure you were more proud of certain results than others... but you loved me regardless. You have always taught me to be me, but to never stop learning and pushing myself. You taught me to think for myself. You taught me that being female was never an excuse, it was an honor. You made me believe I could accomplish anything. For all you are and all you've done for me, thank you. My cup runneth over.

Fill Your Vessel

One of my favorite scripture stories is of the Jaredites and how they prepared for their journey to a choice land.

During a very health-trying time in my life, I was able to lessen my anxieties by likening myself to a well-built barge -- a barge that God built -- a barge that despite the crashing waves and being submerged in dark waters would remain tight as a dish and would once again surface and make it to my final destination.

While driving to work this morning, I listened to the story of the Jaredites again and guess what happened? The same thing that happens every time I read/listen to the scriptures... I learned something new!

After building the barges, the Brother of Jared asks the Lord how they will have light crossing the waters, or if they will need to travel in darkness. And what does the Lord do? He answers the Brother of Jared with a question.

Ether 2:23: "What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?"

Really? Did you hear that? The Lord wants to know what He can do to help us have His light! He wants to fill our vessels! What does that mean? We need to humbly figure out what we need and then prayerfully ask. If we ask, with righteous desires, He will bless us. Does that mean we'll always get what we want in the time frame we expect? No! However, if we have faith, take action and follow God's commandments, He will bless us.

2 Nephi 2:25: "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

An Empty Hallway

“We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask.” ~Thomas S. Monson

I received a snapchat from Bre showing an empty school hallway with the words, "Walking out to seminary alone today." I often receive messages like this throughout the day from my girls. Some make me laugh, cry, proud... and others are just informative. Their messages come at random times... while I'm in meetings, giving a presentation, working on projects and more. However, when I receive messages like this one, I want to stop everything and write about it.

Bre, there will be many times in your life that you'll walk alone, or at least you'll feel like it. The best part? You know you're never really alone. When I received your snapchat, I imagined you walking down the hall, putting one foot in front of the other... knowing your destination. You never stopped or thought of not going... you just did what you knew was right.

Do you know why this moved me so much? You know who you are, what you believe and where you're going. Sometimes you need to make a stand, even when you feel alone. I remember when you challenged a 9th grade teacher for teaching the big bang theory. You wanted him and the class to know there is a creator. You got kicked out of the class and as you stood in the hall, you knew you'd done the right thing.

So many good things are ahead of you, Bre... you just need to keep on walking.