Inevitable Light

At a recent Time Out for Women Event sponsored by Deseret Book, the music and spoken word all centered around the theme "Inevitable Light."

Inevitable: Certain to happen; unavoidable.
Light: The natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible and understanding of a problem or mystery; enlightenment.

I expected to be enlightened by many of the guest speakers, but I didn't expect certain lessons to fan a flame inside my soul and linger with me as if I were still sitting by the warmth of a well-stoked fire.

Kris Belcher, one of my favorite motivational speakers, said something that continues to linger with me. She said, "We need to accept the manna plan." What?! I have thought about that so much. I can't say what that means for another, yet for me it means that I need to accept that my Heavenly Father wants to take care of and provide for me. He wants to shower blessings upon me... just for being me. Why? Because I am His and He loves me.
I continued to listed to Kris speak as she told the story of the Children of Israel. They were constantly blessed with manna, but became ungrateful and complained. Lesson to be learned? Don't be ungrateful or complain or the fiery serpents will enter our lives, just as they did for the Children of Israel. God, however, provided them a way to be healed from the serpent's poison. Moses was told to build a brass serpent and place it where all could look upon it. What happened? Some looked, others didn't and died. Why didn't they just look??? I have asked myself similar questions. When I knew what would heal me physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually, why didn't I just look?
My bathroom mirror now reads the words Kris used to summarize lessons learned from this story.

LOOK UP! LOOK IN! LOOK OUT!

Bre and Brook, you have inevitable light. You have a natural light, the light of Christ, that emulates from you to all around you. It is unavoidable! I have seen lives blessed by being in your presence and by the service you've rendered in action and words. You are both old souls and will continue to make your mark in the world by letting your light shine!

Instruction Manual

I wasn't born with an instruction manual... not for my parents or for me. At the young age of 18 and 19, my parents welcomed me into the world. I was even at my mom's high school graduation! As the first child, I know I captured their hearts and turned their world upside down. I'm sure hopes and dreams filled their minds, as did worry and fear. I bet at times my parents wished for an instruction manual when raising me... just to know the end result.

Let me explain why I like instruction manuals. Yes, I am the one that reads EVERY SINGLE WORD. I look at the pictures, I lay out all the pieces, and before I start putting everything together, I ALWAYS look at the final product. I need to see the end product, what my efforts will produce, and it gives me an exact visual of what I'm working towards. Life doesn't work that way. Therefore, some days I wish for an instruction manual. I need to know why two pieces don't fit together correctly, why I'm missing a crucial piece, where to spend more of my time, if I'm using the right tool, if I have the right pieces, how to take something apart and put it together correctly the next time, etc. I also like that there's a number to call if I have any questions.

So, where am I going with all this? Yes, I know God didn't leave us alone. He gave us the plan of salvation. We are born into families. We meet people our entire lives that teach us and help us grow. He provided us scripture and ongoing revelation. We can call upon God anytime.

Here's what I believe. We don't have an instruction manual because God lovingly gave us free agency. He gave us His word and tools to help us be successful, but he also allows us to choose the result. Here's what I also believe. There is not just one result. With each trial, with each experience, with every person I meet... there may be a different result. Also, if I don't like the end result, I have the opportunity for a do-over. God didn't put me here on the earth to take one path. He put me here to receive a body, to learn and grow, to experience life, to make mistakes and learn from them, to reach my potential.

Many years ago a member of our bishopric, after getting to know me, said, "Anjeanette, when I first met you... I did't like you very much." I was shocked! I felt we had a great relationship and his words hurt a bit. Upon questioning him, he said, "I just thought your life was too perfect." I laughed because that was so far from the truth! I asked him to tell me more. After our lengthy conversation, I understood. I rarely let people see the real me. I asked him when his perception of me changed. Guess what? It was when he saw me go through a difficult trial, how I handled it and the person he saw me become. He got to see the before, during and after Anjeanette. He saw the end result of that particular trial and appreciated the growth he saw in me. Amazing!

I've thought about how I've introduced myself at the beginning of a church talk in a new ward. You know... focus on the positives, accomplishments, blah-blah-blah. If I had to do it over again, here's a portion of what I'd say... "I've loved and been loved. I've been hurt and hurt others. I know what it's like to choose the right and to choose the wrong. I have suffered physically, spiritually and emotionally and I've accomplished more physically, spiritually and emotionally than I ever thought possible. I know what it feels like to fail and what it feels like to overcome. I am grateful for free agency, for the power of choice. I have felt it's consequences, for good and bad. I have given service and been the recipient of many acts of service. I am a daughter of God. He loves me and knows I am perfectly imperfect. I was created for my unique journey on this earth. I have a Savior. He suffered for my sins and will be an advocate with the Father in my behalf. I am learning how to see me as God sees me, how to become who God already knows I am and how to love every step of the journey." 

Mom and Dad... thank you for raising me. You didn't need an instruction manual. You gave me what I needed when I needed it... even if I didn't realize it. You have seen many "results" from the first time you held me until now. I'm sure you were more proud of certain results than others... but you loved me regardless. You have always taught me to be me, but to never stop learning and pushing myself. You taught me to think for myself. You taught me that being female was never an excuse, it was an honor. You made me believe I could accomplish anything. For all you are and all you've done for me, thank you. My cup runneth over.

Fill Your Vessel

One of my favorite scripture stories is of the Jaredites and how they prepared for their journey to a choice land.

During a very health-trying time in my life, I was able to lessen my anxieties by likening myself to a well-built barge -- a barge that God built -- a barge that despite the crashing waves and being submerged in dark waters would remain tight as a dish and would once again surface and make it to my final destination.

While driving to work this morning, I listened to the story of the Jaredites again and guess what happened? The same thing that happens every time I read/listen to the scriptures... I learned something new!

After building the barges, the Brother of Jared asks the Lord how they will have light crossing the waters, or if they will need to travel in darkness. And what does the Lord do? He answers the Brother of Jared with a question.

Ether 2:23: "What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels?"

Really? Did you hear that? The Lord wants to know what He can do to help us have His light! He wants to fill our vessels! What does that mean? We need to humbly figure out what we need and then prayerfully ask. If we ask, with righteous desires, He will bless us. Does that mean we'll always get what we want in the time frame we expect? No! However, if we have faith, take action and follow God's commandments, He will bless us.

2 Nephi 2:25: "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

An Empty Hallway

“We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask.” ~Thomas S. Monson

I received a snapchat from Bre showing an empty school hallway with the words, "Walking out to seminary alone today." I often receive messages like this throughout the day from my girls. Some make me laugh, cry, proud... and others are just informative. Their messages come at random times... while I'm in meetings, giving a presentation, working on projects and more. However, when I receive messages like this one, I want to stop everything and write about it.

Bre, there will be many times in your life that you'll walk alone, or at least you'll feel like it. The best part? You know you're never really alone. When I received your snapchat, I imagined you walking down the hall, putting one foot in front of the other... knowing your destination. You never stopped or thought of not going... you just did what you knew was right.

Do you know why this moved me so much? You know who you are, what you believe and where you're going. Sometimes you need to make a stand, even when you feel alone. I remember when you challenged a 9th grade teacher for teaching the big bang theory. You wanted him and the class to know there is a creator. You got kicked out of the class and as you stood in the hall, you knew you'd done the right thing.

So many good things are ahead of you, Bre... you just need to keep on walking.

Summer Recap 2014

Time is always on the fast track, as if it's being chased. Sometimes I feel like I'm superman standing in front of the train, digging my heels in and pushing as hard as I can to make it slow down. Since I can't slow down time, I try to capture it in moments, pictures and words.

This summer kept me running at full sprint. I actually feel a lot of pressure with Utah's short summers. I feel it necessary to cram in as much as possible before the leaves change colors and once again we're covered in white. This summer was no exception. We began our adventures on the last day of school and headed to Maui.

Next stop? The Dansie Family Reunion. We promised our girls a summer camping trip and this was it. One night in a tent and I was ready to pack it up. I did not, however, want to leave the reunion... I just didn't want to sleep crammed in a tent on the hard ground any longer. I would have been the worst pioneer.

I am so proud of my Dansie heritage. They are hard working, honest, fair... and they know how to have fun. There's never a dull moment. Whether we're singing karaoke, playing marbles, shooting guns, playing bingo, sitting around the camp fire, playing softball, making jewelry, playing horseshoes, cheering on talent show performances, boating, fishing, talking, eating delicious food or whatever, we enjoy being with each other. We value every person in our family.

One of my favorite holidays is the Fourth of July. I love how it pulls families, communities and the nation together. I love to see all the red, white and blue... hair bows, hats, clothes, shoes, cars decorated, flags waving... I appreciate what those colors represent. I cry at every Riverton parade as the flag passes by and the motorcycle police meticulously perform their driving routine. My heart swells with gratitude for our freedom and those who have and continue to fight for those rights. I still imagine my Grandpa Merlyn playing the tuba in the Post Office Band and my Grandpa Mel carrying the flag or driving the military vehicle. I'm grateful we get to watch the parade from my Grandpa Mel's house while he serves us cold watermelon. I'm also grateful that after the parade we march straight over to my Grandma Dansie's for a delicious BBQ and more family time.

I'm also grateful for the Armstrong traditions. We start our morning with a delicious breakfast nestled in the mountains by Brighton Ski Resort followed by a walk around Silver Lake. We then enjoy the small town parade. It's full of decorated bikes, a firetruck and a few trucks with streamers. I miss the days when our girls would drive their Barbie Jeep around the Brighton loop waving at all the smiling strangers and trying not crash while tossing out candy.

This year we attended Stadium of Fire and watched Studio C and Carrie Underwood. We also had our own glow sticks and fireworks party.

Brett's 40th birthday included forty gifts and letters from family and friends, a homemade coconut cake and a golf trip to Homestead.

This summer we made a few late night trips to the snow shack for Hawaiian ice. I love the cream on top of my tiger's blood and pina colada deliciousness. One night our family had such a laughing fit... and it started by Brett and Bre winking at each other. So silly... and such great memories.

Deer Creek Reservoir was a blast! We rented a 3-person wave runner for four hours and we took turns zooming around the lake. The wind was blowing and the water was rough, which made for bigger jumps. Yay! One time while Brett was driving, he thought it would be fun to drive in circles... which threw all three of us from the wave runner. We gasped for air in the cold water and swam as fast as we could to get back on the bucking bronco. The best part? Laughing and trying to pull ourselves back on to the wave runner without tipping it over. It was hilarious! That evening we drove to Heber and ate at the Train Station.

EFY, Oakcrest and Girl's Camp. I can't think of a better way or time for teenage girls to begin the transition to independence than participating in these uplifting summer activities with other valiant youth. The adversary must tremble with fear when hundreds of youth gather together to learn, worship, sing and armor themselves to face their futures. What a glorious image! I love seeing my girl's return from these trips. They look exhausted, but they shine a little brighter.

Bre gifted me with a wise text message from EFY and Brook gifted me the sacred opportunity of reading her journal after Oakcrest. As I read both, my heart filled with gratitude for their goodness.

From attending stake YW camp, Bre earned the sisterhood award for taking care of Brook while she was sick and refusing to leave her side. Brook earned the slip-n-slide award because she fell several times and got hurt... but she always got back up.

Wicked! I have been waiting YEARS to introduce my girls to this terrific production. I wanted them to be old enough to understand the depth of the story, feel the music and be drawn in to another world. It happened! I kept glancing over at their beautiful faces to soak in their expressions and to see the excitement and wonder in their eyes. Priceless!

Cousin time! Grandma Donna created many great memories for the Armstrong cousins this summer. She took them to Hollywood Connection, Thanksgiving Point, the Aquarium, shopping, out to eat and much, much more. They had a couple sleepovers and loved spending time together. Thanks, Don!

Summer wouldn't be the same without fresh fruits and vegetables from Grandpa Mel's garden. Every year I sit side by side with my grandpa on an old metal crate in the middle of his garden, surrounded by sunflowers, and we pass a salt shaker back and forth as we each enjoy a large juicy red tomato. Another of my favorites are his blackberries and grapes. This year Cheri and Chase picked the blackberries, I made the pie and we all enjoyed eating it. Yum!

This summer included a couple trips to Ferron to visit Grandpa Randy and Grandma Lynette. We sang around the piano, worked in the yard, painted patio furniture, played in "the tank", caught salamanders, went paddle boating and canoeing, watch the Castle Valley Pageant, talked until 4 am, laughed, ate yummy food and just enjoyed being together.

Cub Country... a totally new experience for me. The day started with the leaders performing really nerdy skits and the boys thought they were hilarious. I wasn't laughing at the skits, I was laughing at the boys! No lie... we had been there 10 minutes and the boys were filthy. All we did was walk up a trail! Let's just say that by the end of the day, most of the boys were unrecognizable. The boys were so happy to play in the dirt, learn about space, scale the obstacle course, make rocket ships, eat outdoors, go to the Cub Country store and more. The leaders were great and definitely made it a memorable day for the boys.

This summer we played a lot of golf, of course! Bre and Brook both participated in golf camps at Fore Lakes and Glenmoore. We taught Special Olympics golf and enjoyed many twilight 9's. Brook earned the sportsmanship award and won the drive, chip, putt competition and Bre spent hours on the driving range preparing for the upcoming varsity season.

Brett and I were probably the most conservatively dressed KISS concert goers, but we had a great time!

This summer we also introduced our girls to Ruth's Diner. Yum!

Summer wouldn't be complete without a trip to Silver Lake. Thanks to the Fankhauser's,we enjoyed a beautiful Sunday picnic and walk around the lake.

So, of course I'd have a post about food. Yes, this is my new favorite summer salad. Who would have thought that watermelon, red wine vinegar, olive oil, feta cheese and mint leaves would be so delicious together? No joke, I made this salad once a week. I learned about this salad when Brett took me to a fabulous restaurant called Communal. Yum! He also surprised me with a date night to The Rest, an underground restaurant in Salt Lake City. I love trying new places to eat!

Finally, the summer wouldn't be complete without numerous trips to the pool, having friends over for dinner, playing board games, watching movies in our theater and much more. What's next? School's back in session and there are only 15 more Friday's until Christmas. This mom's got to start shopping!

Grandpa's Barn

Of 32 Dansie grandchildren (16 boys and 16 girls), I'm the oldest and Alli is the youngest. Our age difference doesn't matter, we adore each other. I love being silly with Alli. We eat goldfish crackers as they shoot off the treadmill, sing crazily in the car, pop whipping cream in the air and try catching it in our mouths, play water pong and take silly pictures. The one shown above is our normal pose. The one not shown is of us sticking out our tongues at each other. Yep, we're goofballs and love each other very much. Hugs to you Alli!

This picture is worth a thousand words, or more. Same barn, different side and with me and my girls. The barn was built by my Grandpa Merlyn in the late 1940's/early 1950's. It stands at the back of my grandparents property. I love this barn, always have. It reminds me of my grandpa's hands... big, strong, callused... yet gentle. I saw his hands work wood, draw bugs bunny, do puzzles, cut fabric, do dishes, make delicious burgers, hand out stuffed animals at Easter, crack nuts, use every type of equipment, sort through nails and screws, hold open doors for the ladies, steal my nose and every other grandchild/great grandchild's nose, and gently hold my grandmother's hand. I miss you, grandpa.

This barn also reminds me that once I'm gone, I'll still live through others and things/memories I've created and been a part of. Sometimes I look at the barn and think it's unfair that it's still standing yet my grandpa is gone. Then I realize it's standing because he made it so well that it's stood the test of time. Sure, it's weathered and a bit weaker than when it was first built, but it's still standing. This is analogous to the truth that with time memories fade. I'm pretty sure that's why I love to take pictures and write. I don't want to forget! My grandpa's barn is a reminder that every day I'm working on my legacy, that which I'll leave behind and how I'm remembered.

Mary Poppins and Son of God

 AND 

Our family enjoyed the Hale Center Theater production of Mary Poppins. It was full of color, song, dance and more. However, that night I felt like I was there to learn a very important lesson. I was quite somber and paid close attention to whatever it was I needed to learn. Throughout the play, Mary Poppins talked about being “practically perfect in every way.” She even sang a song about it. Throughout the play I continued to circle back to her words.

Upon our return home we watched the movie “Son of God.” As I watched our Savior’s life portrayed in two short hours, I began gaining understanding of what I needed to learn that night. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I silently thanked my Heavenly Father and Savior for their love despite being “practically imperfect in every way.” As I watched Christ’s persecution and sacrifice, I had an ongoing prayer of gratitude. The atonement is real and necessary in every one of our lives.

There were a few moments in the video that I must share that coincide with scripture. At the last supper, Christ informed the apostles that one would betray him. Instead of being in denial, Simon Peter asked, “Lord, who is it?” Jesus answered and then gave them a new commandment to “love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” Simon Peter then asked to go with Christ and said he would lay down his life for him. Christ replies, “Wilt thou lay down thy life for my sake? Verily, verily, I say unto thee, the cock shall not crow, till thou has denied me thrice.” I’m sure at that moment Simon Peter thought it was impossible! How could he deny Jesus Christ?

Simon Peter did deny Christ three times and Judas Iscariot did betray him. The disbelief in their own actions was beautifully portrayed. I felt their regret and Godly sorrow and I saw their remorse and actions taken to right their wrongs.

So, what did I learn? All of this was part of the plan. We fall so we can learn to get up again. We make mistakes so that we can learn from them. Each one of us is designed just as intended. We are perfectly imperfect. We are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father and Mother. They know us. They know our strengths, weaknesses, desires… our hearts. We were built to overcome. We have what’s needed within each of us to face the storms of life and the fiery darts of the adversary. We have the opportunity to forgive, be forgiven, progress and above all be loved unconditionally by them that created us and by our brother, our Savior, that gave his life for us.

To my daughters… never forget your worth. You are perfectly imperfect. As beautifully written by Steve Maraboli, you are designed perfectly for your journey here on this earth. You are you and I am me. Do not compare yourself to others. No one is like you. You have the perfect form for your journey. Be yourself, learn from your mistakes, stand up for yourself, laugh, love, apologize, be a lifelong learner and always trust in Him that created you. I love you and am blessed to be your mother.

Perfectly Imperfect by Steve Maraboli

“We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each snowflake takes the perfect form for the maximum efficiency and effectiveness for its journey. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take their own path. They are on the same journey, but each takes a different path. Along this gravity-driven journey, some snowflakes collide and damage each other, some collide and join together, some are influenced by wind... there are so many transitions and changes that take place along the journey of the snowflake. But, no matter what the transition, the snowflake always finds itself perfectly shaped for its journey. I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of grand orchestration. One of these parallels is of snowflakes and us. We, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered... we take different physical forms. But at all times we too are 100% perfectly imperfect. At every given moment we are absolutely perfect for what is required for our journey. I’m not perfect for your journey and you’re not perfect for my journey, but I’m perfect for my journey and you’re perfect for your journey. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re both exactly perfect the way we are. Think of what understanding this great orchestration could mean for relationships. Imagine interacting with others knowing that they too each share this parallel with the snowflake. Like you, they are headed to the same place and no matter what they may appear like to you, they have taken the perfect form for their journey. How strong our relationships would be if we could see and respect that we are all perfectly imperfect for our journey.”

EFY

Especially for Youth (EFY) is a week long program for teenagers. It gives them an opportunity to attend classes, feel the spirit, strengthen their testimony, gain new friends and have fun. While Bre was at EFY, I asked her to send me a quote or something she learned. On the morning of  her fifth day there, I received this text on my way to work:

"Perfected came from a Hebrew word meaning complete. God didn't send us to this earth to become perfect. He sent us to the earth to be completed in him. The Japanese people believe in a type of art called Kintsukuroi. It is when they take pieces of broken pottery and fix them with gold and it becomes even more valuable. God is our gold and we are the broken pottery. God fixes us, completes us, and makes us even more beautiful than we ever were before. So when you break, don't think you are no longer good. Because God is transforming us into something even greater and even more precious."

Thank you, sis. You amaze me. I am so grateful to be your mom.

A Little Bit of Heaven

Imagine this... sitting on the front porch swing on a perfect summer's evening while reading a book with one of your favorite people. Sound heavenly? It is for me. Brook's not a "reader" per say. She'll do her reading assignments, but you'll never find her curled up in a blanket reading her favorite book. She will, however, patiently cuddle up next to me while I read to her... and I love it. Right now we're reading "Heaven is Here." It's a story of a young couple that survived a horrific airplane crash. The story depicts their love for one another, their struggles, faith and determination while doing their best to overcome physical and emotional trials. It boosts my spirits, makes me weep and increases my faith.

Mine and Brook's evenings of reading wouldn't be complete without a spoon in our hand and half gallon of Rocky Road ice cream. No bowls, just the spoons and the ice cream container. Sometimes we opt for a healthier option and go for fresh-picked cherries. I really don't care what we're snacking on or what we're reading as long as I have her by my side. It's a little bit of heaven.

First's

I love "first's." Maybe I love them because when I do something for the first time I'm overcoming a fear, or being introduced to something new, or because I like the way doing something for the first time feels. Maybe the reason depends on what that "first" thing is. I also love having an option. If I don't ever want to do that "first-time" thing ever again, I don't have to. 

One week in Maui I experienced so many firsts.

• Surfed (actually rode the wave and didn't get attacked by a shark)
• Didn't use any hair products for an entire week (this is BIG!)
• Found a lizard in our hotel safe (creepy and weird, but it was quite cute)
• Golfed at Elleair and Kahili (required clubbing up two)
• Sailed on an outrigger (am I a seven cow wife now?)
• Watched a Hawaiian ceremonial blessing before an island-to-island boat race (very sacred)
• Attended a Tongan ward where we reenacted the story of King Benjamin. Bre listened to the translation, wrote it down, passed it to me to read, and then I passed it to the family from Texas.
• Ate from a road-side fresh fruit stand (passion fruit, bananas and a ginger-lime smoothie)
• Stood in a cave behind a waterfall... and didn't have a heart attack (laughing? not me... major fear)
• Survived the road to Hana (all 46 one lane bridges and 620 curves... without puking)
• Tweezed and needled sea urchin spines from Brett's big toe (pictures are priceless)
• Heard my girls say, "Mom, these roads are curvy... kind of like you!" and "Mom, her boobs look like Squidward's nose!" My responses? "Yes" to the first and to the second... "That's what old age and too much sun looks like!"

There are times in my life that I pinch myself... just to make sure it's real. The time and experiences I had in Maui with my family required much pinching. Very blessed and grateful.

That's right girls, hang loose!

First time surfing, and I did it!

  

Nothing like a little fresh coconut on the beach

Just chillin' while playing the uke

Sometimes our girls just feel like doing the T-rex pose

Seven sacred pools...

...that lead to the ocean

Above the lava tubes

Heading down into the lava tubes

Torch flower... beautiful!

I love when our girls hold hands

And I love it when my girls hold my hand

Dr. Seuss trees!

The views on the Road to Hana took my breath away

Twin falls hike and waterfall

Such an amazing place!

  

Golf courses are already beautiful, but Maui makes them even more beautiful!

Pina colada's anyone?

Hawaiian dancers at Whaler's Village

Such grace!

We shopped, Brett rested

Lunch at Kanapali's clubhouse

We let the Hawaiian's machete the coconut, and we drank the juice. Yum!

The Hawaiian diver at Black Rock

Such a beautiful tradition

Brett's Black Rock jump 

The leap away from the rocks

He made it!

Brook, Bre and Brett on island time

Golfing in Maui 

My boogie boarders

Outrigger race from Maui to Molaki

Ceremonial blessing before the races

Before the race, they let us ride in the boats

Outrigger sailing

Bre was up front being taught by the captain's wife and daughter

Brook sat on the boom and did what she loves... photographed the fun

And I took the center seat

Our resort was so beautiful

Mom and Brook selfie

Sleepy girls at the airport